How I Calm My Nervous System
A toolkit for taking care of this human body.
An eldest daughter and child of immigrants, I can safely say that I’ve been anxious pretty much since birth. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been fortunate to access tools to manage my high-functioning anxiety – pets, therapy, SSRIs, etc. One thing I circle back with frequently with my therapist now is that even though I have these tools, I still find it challenging to ever unclench because of the never-ending burnout of living and working through constant economic crisises and the daily erosion of democracy. I just want to feel third day of vacation relaxed, I wailed to my therapist.
I know life isn’t meant to be easy, yet I want to be able to ride those waves without constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to be able to appreciate the good times while I’m living them. But with my proclivity to worry, I feel like I can’t. Maybe you can relate?
My therapist approached me with the idea that I need to calm and regulate my nervous system. That being in a lifelong worrier means that my system has been way out of whack.
So with that, I asked what kinds of things regulate the nervous system and she shared what we know: meditation, grounding exercises, baths. But the trick is really to do these regularly so that my window of tolerance is better for when things actually are high stress (or when you’re living in a political and tariff hellscape). I’ve been using nervous system regulation tools as first aid, instead of every day maintenance.
There’s just so much to learn about being a human being, isn’t there?
In the process of researching more ways to calm my nervous system, I came across this excellent reddit post. For fear of it disappearing one day, I wanted to note it all here for myself and for you, if it’s helpful.
One of the most revolutionary things I learned from this reply from user EnnOnEarth and this resource is to acknowledge when my nervous system feels activated (when I’m extra anxious, overstimulated, angry, sad, tense, etc.) and what it’s telling me. And the next step is not to regulate the feelings away – it’s to validate the feeling, process the info that's being given to you by your body, integrate that knowledge, and then not get stuck in that feeling or rumination. Ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
Why?
Can I safely process this where I’m at?
Do I need to bring some regulation in before processing (usually yes), and do I need to regulate before I can reach somewhere safe to process?
What parts of the ground are supporting me? (Are you seated, feeling a surface through your sit-bones; are you standing, feeling a surface through the floor? Laying down?) Breathe deeply into your belly and feel those surfaces giving you support.
How does your body feel? Is there energy or emotion or information or activation in one part of the body? All of it? What is it telling you?
What are 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel (or touch), 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste.
A useful breathing technique for coping while anxious or activated (until you can process / regulate the activation) is belly breathing. To belly breathe, inhale and expand your belly, picturing the air going into your belly, then diaphragm, then lungs for a count of 3-5. Exhale in reverse, emptying the lungs, then the diaphragm, then the belly for a count of 3-5.
Now this part blew my mind: your nervous system can actually be in two different disregulated modes and require different treatments!
On one hand, there is UP-REGULATING. Again, from the post with additions from me:
Up-regulating helps with depressive activation / hypoarousal (could be feeling depressed, sadness, stuck, sinking, numbness, angry, ruminating, negative thought spirals, and for some people freeze, fight, fear, or fawn (the 4Fs)). Up-regulating activities include:
Cold showers.
Cold drinks (non-alcoholic / non-intoxicating).
Listening to music (usually loud or at least not quiet, usually up-beat (with metal included as up-beat)).
Moving to a rhythm (with or without music). Rhythmic movement can include simply alternating tapping each foot, or swaying slightly (though the stepping or clenching and unclenching of hands can help a lot).
Rapid, shallow breathing techniques, like “breath of fire” in yoga.
Eating spicy, sweet, or otherwise vibrant tasting or enjoyable foods.
Going for a walk outdoors (set a good pace if you can).
Exercise (careful not to over-exercise; listen to the body's cues).
Change your environment – turn on bright lights, put on upbeat music, go outside, go somewhere else if you can.
Bounce a ball, or bounce around like a ball.
Cleaning, if that's something that makes you feel good and has rhythm.
On the other hand, there is DOWN-REGULATING. Once again from the post with additions from me:
Down-regulating helps with anxious or "too much" activation / hyperarousal. (This could be anxiety, racing thoughts, feeling like you can't slow down or slow your thoughts down, rumination, feeling like you've had too much caffeine, feeling overwhelmed, or the 4Fs.). Down-regulating activities include:
Gentle walks / time in nature (go sit outside and listen to the birds or smell the trees, garden, whatever).
Meditation.
Warm showers.
Saunas.
Getting wrapped up in a blanket and / or snuggling soft things.
Warm drinks (non-alcoholic / non-intoxicating).
Massage (you can massage your own hands, feet, arms, etc.)
Listening to calming music. (Some people like binural beats or nature sounds too.)
Stretching (yoga, and some pilates or primal movement, count as stretching).
Gentle movement.
Tapping (e.g., Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)).
Self-care (take a bath, a shower, wash your face, paint your nails, do something nice and also at a gentle pace that will make you feel good and refreshed and replentished, even if done at a slow pace, even if it seems silly).
Art / hobby (any kind of art, even knitting, whatever is creative and soothing to you).
It should be noted that spending times with pets helps with either type of activation!
Aren’t animals magical?
I hope you find this guide helpful, and bookmark it for when you need it! If you have any additional suggestions to add, please share them in the comments.
I had never heard of up-regulating 🤯